Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
