things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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