not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
