I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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