I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
FUCK WHALES
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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