I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
