May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
