Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
