I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
