You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
