The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
