I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
