he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
