The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
