Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
