She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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