Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
