and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
