it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As shirtless as possible
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love you.
Bad choice
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
