where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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