you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You need a sexual gate keeper
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
