The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Be still, my beating vagina.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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