It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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