I just pynch a tree in the face
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
