i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
