she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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