I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
do nipples grow back?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize