Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
