y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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