i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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