I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
