Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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