I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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