curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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