Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
