Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
