He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
