You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
