so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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