Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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