Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize