I puked a lego.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
