The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sober January is a disaster.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
