I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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