already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we're making bets on your personal life
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
