worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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