I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
