Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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