I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize