I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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