you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
