You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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