Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
