Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
