my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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