I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
