I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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