so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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