I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
