the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
