Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
