Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
