Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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