What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Randomize
