she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
