Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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