Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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