i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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