I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
